I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So squirting runs in the family.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
