i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
