Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
where are you?
Hypothermia
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
