Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
