i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
