"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
