I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
