You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
