i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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