My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He kissed a someone with a penis
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
