I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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