i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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