I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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