Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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