Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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