May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
