I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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