yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
