Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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