i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
