how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
