Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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