I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
