White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
