I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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