Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
