I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
