oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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