Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
