What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
