it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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