...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
