I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
