Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
