i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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