4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
