For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
