does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
