I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
