Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Couch. On fire.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
