I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
