I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
