Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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