google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
