no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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