If that was your dad, he is hot
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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