its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
