i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
