4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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