Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
