He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
