Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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