proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
