3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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