the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
