I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
